Yesterday my mom called me on the phone. She said “I have a question to ask you. And I had to have a glass of wine first to steel myself to even ask you this……. {dramatic silence} ……….do you think I’m a good babysitter?”
Exasperated, I replied “WHAT? Are you kidding?? What kind of question is that? Yes, you are a great babysitter!!”
“Good,” she replied, “then you’ll join me for lunch with the ladies.”
Unbelievable.
The “ladies” are a group of women who dominate an organization that my mom and I are both members of. I used to serve as president of this group and the experience was so horrible that I am not sure I will renew my membership next year. These ladies are wonderful people individually, but collectively they are somewhat aggressive, nit-picky, and very old-school. My mother knew that I would not be interested AT ALL to go to lunch to “cuss and discuss” club business.
So she tricked me!
Anyway, the lunch ended up being worth my while, even though I had to juggle a baby the whole time. A baby who just wanted to run and play and eat scraps of food off other people’s plates.
Instead of nit-picking, the ladies were bringing up topics of how the club should move forward and make a difference. It was refreshing. The group has relaxed about “tradition” and they are finally beginning to discuss things I have spent the last four years wishing they would discuss.
I was surprised that two other young club members joined us. These women are in the grade younger than me in school so we weren’t super close friends growing up, but we are friends, and they are great people. C is a young mother who has a daughter five days younger than Little. She has two kids, teaches middle school science and waits tables at night. J is managing the front office of a busy medical center and going back to school for medical administration while waiting tables at night. These chicks are busy!
Another woman who came is leaving for the city to take her husband to a slew of doctor’s appointments for his Multiple Sclerosis. His MS is severe. I have watched these last few years as she has diligently cared for her husband as his condition continues to evolve. I always wonder how hard it is for her to see her partner slipping away, unable to enjoy life the way he used to. She puts so much energy into caring for him, not just physically but emotionally. They are always out and about attending events and enjoying the world at large. She puts great energy into nursing his spirit.
As I sat at the table with Little and my mom listening to everyone else’s stories about what they are dealing with and what their plans are for the future and how stressed/scared/sad they are about their current situations, I was pleasantly struck with the realization that the things I’m dealing with are no longer worse than what these ladies are dealing with. In the past I wouldn’t even discuss my situation because it isn’t the kind of thing people want to hear. They wouldn’t have been able to understand, empathize or offer any advice. But now I don’t sit quietly contemplating my misery. I was just eating my salad, listening to the conversation and giggling with Little. I have it pretty good. The last couple of years were a challenge, they were undeniably terrifying and just plain BAD years of my life. I didn’t know how I would ever climb out of the hole, I didn’t know if I would ever feel happy again. I didn’t know if I would ever get my head above water.
But I have. My head is above water. I still have a ways to go, but I am really getting there. I didn’t see it coming, but I think my vision of myself as a wife/mother/business owner is actually coming together as I had seen it years ago. The path has just been rockier and more treacherous than I had envisioned.
……
From now on, I think I’ll remember to ask “why” when my mom asks a ridiculous question like that, but I suppose she knew this lunch wouldn’t hurt me. In fact, it helped.